Funny Retirement Quotes - Lifting The Mood Of A Farewell Speech

Funny retirement quotes - a great starting point for structuring retirement speeches.

funny-retirement-quotes



Weave a humorous retirement quote into your introduction. Your audience will relax and have a chuckle. You'll relax and be well on your way to presenting an amazing retirement speech.

Less can be more - choose one or two great quotes that really appeal to you and intersperse them throughout your speech.

Laughter is very often the best medicine - especially on an occasion when you may all be feeling a bit overwhelmed and emotional. Great funny speeches really captivate and keep your audiences' attention.

So, go on, have the last laugh and word!



HUMOROUS RETIREMENT QUOTES

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous

When I was sixty-five - I still had pimples.

George Burns


Retirement life: seen it all, done it all -

Can't remember most of it!

Unknown


A retired husband is often a wife's full time job.

Ella Harris


Before deciding to retire early...

Stay home a week and practice watching daytime television.

Unknown


Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache...

Unless you play golf!

Gene Perret


I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work -

So I do it three or four times a day!

Gene Perret


The best time to start thinking about your retirement -

Is before your boss does!

Unknown


The money is no better in retirement...

But the hours are!

Unknown


Heaven - that's my retirement plan!

Unknown


I always arrive late at the office...

But I make up for it by leaving early.

Charles Lamb


When you stop lying about your age and start lying around the house...

You know you're retired!

Unknown


People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty seventh birthday?

I tell them...a paternity suit!

George Burns


The down side of retirement...

Is having to drink coffee on your own time.

Unknown


You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces...

And wonder what else you could do while you're down there!

George Burns


Retirement must be wonderful.

I mean, you can suck in your stomach for only so long.

Burt Reynolds


In retirement only money and symptoms are consequential.

Mason Cooley


There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working.

Robert Half


The secret of longevity...

Is to keep breathing!

Sophie Tucker


At my age flowers scare me!

George Burns


I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it -

At my age...I'm very pleased to be anywhere!

George Burns


Funny retirement quotes - a must for any speech!

Here's wishing you wonderful years of retirement filled with laughter, health, loved ones and cherished memories still to be created!

Return from Funny Retirement Quotes to Words of Wisdom

Retirement Speeches - Gracious Yet Great Goodbyes